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International Culture, Binge Stories and Humour
THE KORIER: Funnier than an exploding monkey.
Got a story you want to tell? Some hands-dirty travel writing? An article about the idiosyncratic nuances of a particular culture? Or a barely remembered, slightly exaggerated binge story where you shamelessly cast yourself as a hero? Write it up, create an account and submit it (or submit anonymously with whatever name you want). It will be online soon.
UPDATE: 01/06/08 - WUHAN - Whatsup, bitches and bitchettes? The Korier has been in the process of collecting stories over the past couple of months and - without building it up too much - they're funnier than a whole troupe of monkeys in clown makeup exploding. We've even had a German amateur radio club trying to score some cheeky free advertising so keep checking back, and keep submitting. We'll be rocking soon, people. |
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Counting the cliches
by Jack McLoughlin
There are two possible explanations for this film.
1) This film, as a dead-cert money maker, was never about the script and a simple plot was thrown together to tease you like a Korean schoolgirl before the Predator starts kicking ass. Possibly with this in mind, the writer, Shane Salerno (forget that name) has produced a horrendous litany of cliches that makes Eraser look like subtle artistry.
2) The cliche-ing is so painfully obvious that one must consider: is Salerno (remember that name) tastelessly using the glorious concept of Aliens and Predators fucking with each other's shit to poke fun at the sci-fi action genre in general?
I will explain, numbering the cliches as I go...
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The Mission from Bangkok, Thailand to Wuhan, China
by Jack McLoughlin
WUHAN - After the Songkran daytime drunken water-fight madness in Bangkok, I showered, ate some moderately tasty and moderately filling Thai food and fearfully looked out at the crowds between my hostel and the main road. As Rambuttri road was closed off to traffic, I had to get my bags on to the main road to get a taxi and even though it was by now 8pm and dark, the streets were still rammed full of people, by now mostly Thais, totally drunk, soaked head to foot and covered in clay. I didn’t want to get on the plane and travel for eleven hours – then meet someone from my new job – looking like I’d just spent the day painting a kitchen and the night on a couch.
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Asia: Watching Football in Asia: the Differences.
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by Jack McLoughlin
KUNMING, CHINA - If you can find a bar willing to show the game with working satellite TV and someone to watch it with during their Saturday night, watching the English Premier League in an Asian bar is very different to watching it in an English pub.
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Korea: THE DMZ: the Gnarliest Place on Earth
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A day at Korea's "demilitarised zone"
By Jack McLoughlin
SEOUL - Bill Clinton famously described the DMZ area Panmunjom as the “scariest place on Earth”. It isn't scary; B.J. Bill has evidently never walked around Russia at night. However, the De-Militarised Zone is so strange that one needs to evoke American stoner slang to effectively describe it: it is one seriously gnarly place, dude.
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Korea: Jimjilbang Uncensored
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A night in a Korean sauna
By Daneel Starr
SEOUL - Have you ever wanted to spend the night in Seoul, South Korea? Have you ever wanted to spend the night in Seoul, South Korea with only 2 quid in your pocket for accommodation? It's possible but you have to be ready to spend the night in a Korean sauna (jimjilbang) surrounded by naked men.
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Asia: A Piss Up in a (Government Owned) Brewery
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...And the consequences
By Jack McLoughlin
BEIJING (September 2007) - I WAS in a foul mood by the time we reached Inchon harbour in West Korea. We'd made three stops on the Subway so that Daneel, suffering more than I from the previous night’s binge, could avoid vomiting onboard. We met a friend Alan, who told me - and a visibly unwell Daneel - to get our tickets quickly or they wouldn't let us on the boat. We paid and sat down, waiting for the queue to shrink before we joined.
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LOS ANGELES - Clown superstar Ronald McDonald, 67, best known as the face of corporate behemoth McDonalds was today arrested following the discovery of thousands of explicit images of minors on his computer.
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Asia: Ninjas in China; Knights in the West
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By Steve Mann
ZHANJIANG, CHINA - Mosquitoes are nasty at the best of times, they suck your blood, they leave you with an itchy bite mark after they have sunk their proboscises in you, they spread nasty diseases like Malaria – or Encephalitis and Dengue Fever as is the case in China, and when they are not doing this, their high-pitched buzzing deprives us of sleep at night.
As if all this were not enough, mosquitoes in China are not like their European counterparts. They are in fact considerably smaller, more agile and a lot smarter, so much so, I often refer to them as ‘Ninja Mosquitoes’ just like the ancient mysterious deadly Japanese warriors that would wait to assassinate their quarry.
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By Christian Campbell
MANCHESTER, UK - I wanted to present this theological debate in the form of a hilarious cartoon, featuring the many and varied gods of world religion in whimsical situations. Imagine Vishnu accidentally beating their opponent to death whilst playing slapsy, or Buddha being snapped out of his reverie by the onslaught of type-two diabetes. Imagine the irony of the Judaist messiah returning to Earth, only to be shot by an IDF sniper after becoming trapped in the midst of yet another Israeli incursion into the holy land. Or door to door spiritual sales people selling Jehovah’s whiteness, proven to get your soul purer than other leading sects? Sadly that was considered insensitive.
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JackM writes "
GIRLS ALOUD AT MIDDLE TEMPLE LAW LIBRARY BALCONY, LONDON, SUMMER 07
By Jack McLoughlin
LONDON, UK - I'm not the kind of person that sees Girls Aloud twice. In fact, I loathe their genre of music: talentless, image-driven, 'artists' singing songs written by other people fitted to the current image of coolness (rich, self-consciously ironic, promiscuous coke-heads) rather than indifferently shaping it like any band worth downloading does.
Another unfortunate consequence of fitting music to a media dictated definition of coolness is that it forces most of the musicians with genuinely impressive skills in to the metal genre, their awesome talents being dismissed by mainstreamers with catchy non sequitur put-downs like "fret wanking". That said, it's always pleasant to see the girls pout their way through their sunday night at the Runcorn Arms karaoke cover of Aerosmith's Walk This Way."
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